A DOG'S LIFE

I received an article from a friend recently, and after reading it I thought, man this stuff would be great for pets and pet owners out there reading my blog. But especially I thought it would be good for my own pet, Bogey...my dog.
So O. K. Bogey, pay attention. Its time for a little tune up. I am posting these "Rules" to remind you ONCE AGAIN, about who is in charge around here. (And yes, Bogey is smart enough to read this, although he hasn't mastered the computer yet. Therefore, I am posting a copy of this article VERY LOW on the refrigerator door...like nose height! So, here goes.

Dear Bogey,

(1) The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing your paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

(2) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

(3) I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. I will no longer be sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. As a dog, God created you to actually be able to curl up in a ball when you sleep. It is not necessary to sleep right between my legs stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking your tail straight out and having your tongue hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

(4)For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to scratch, whine, bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. Eventually I will come out, and when I do I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years...your attendance is not required!

(5)The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt (or lick your own). I cannot stress this enough!

And Bogey, just so you don't think I am "dissing" you without understanding your sensitive feelings, I will be posting the following info on our front door for the next week. I hope it meets with your approval, and assures you of my continued love and loyalty.

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Bogey

(1) Bogey lives here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want Bogey's hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)

(3) I like my dog Bogey a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, he's just a dog. But to me, Bogey is every bit my child. He just happens to be short, hairy, walk on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. (Actually, I guess he's not that different from the little hellion's running around our neighborhood with your last name!)

(5) Finally, remember that having my dog around is much better than you having your kids around, because:
-He eats less
-He never asks for money
-He is easier to train
-He normally comes when I call him
-He never asks to drive the car
-He doesn't hang out with drug-using friends
-He doesn't smoke or drink(in excess!)
-He doesn't require the latest fashions
-He doesn't want to wear my clothes
-He if he gets his girlfriend pregnant....I can sell their children!!

Ah...........a dog's life!